


Scared but not that scared

by foolishle



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff, It's the future, Love Confessions, M/M, derek had a lot of therapy, people using words, post angst, stiles is grown up, they just got together after years of mutual pining, which he needed obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 04:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolishle/pseuds/foolishle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles thinks they should have done this <em>years</em> ago. Derek doesn't agree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scared but not that scared

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Stiles breathes. He can’t seem to stop moving, to stop touching. “I never stopped”

“Me too. Me either,” says Derek quietly, rubbing his nose under Stiles’ ear. He licks a spot just behind Stiles’ jawbone and breathes against it and Stiles gets goosebumps down to his toes. Making out with Derek is better than Stiles ever imagined and he’s imagined it a _lot_.

“Yeah? I think I win, dude. I distinctly recall being thoroughly and unambiguously rejected by you like six years ago. But don’t worry, I forgive you.” 

Derek hums non-committally kissing a stripe down Stiles’ neck. “Guess that was pretty convincing, huh?”

“Wait, what?” Stiles pulls Derek up to face him, then shifts so they’re on their sides. Nose to nose, both still breathing heavily. Stiles pokes Derek’s chest with a long finger. “Explain.”

“You were sixteen,” Derek rolls his eyes and inches forward to press their mouths together again but Stiles pushes him back.

“Seriously? That is not an answer. That’s not a reason!”

“Yeah. It is.” 

“...”

Derek looks uncomfortable but touches Stiles face tenderly. “I can tell you why. But it will probably kind of kill the mood.”

“You,” Stiles lifts up so he’s leaning on one arm, the other poking Derek’s chest again, “told me that I was a ridiculous hormonal teenager with a stupid ridiculous crush. Loudly. In front of the whole pack.”

“I wanted you to... not like me anymore.”

“Yeah. You succeeded. You could barely stand to be in the same room with me until I left for college. You were such an asshole!”

“I remember being sixteen,” Derek says quietly. He’s not looking at Stiles now. “I didn’t want to... take advantage of that. I couldn’t. But you were always there, you were always around and I could smell how much you wanted me and it was very... distracting. So I... you know.”

“Yeah. I know. Dude, we could have been doing this for _six years_ already. I’m going to sue you for six years worth of lost makeouts.”

Derek doesn’t laugh the way Stiles expects. Doesn’t even smile. Just looks kind of sad and lost.

“Tell me,” Stiles says

“It will really kill the mood,” Derek warns, again.

Stiles shrugs. “That’s okay. There will be other times right? Other days. Other nights,” he waggles his eyebrows suggestively on that last one and Derek does smile at that.

“Every day.”

“Every _night?_ ”

“Are you going to let me talk or do you want to make out again?”

Stiles makes a ‘zipping lips’ motion and Derek pulls Stiles close. He tucks Stiles’ head under his chin and sighs.

“I remember being sixteen,” Derek says. “I was... stupid. And ridiculous. And hormonal. And I... I don’t know I was still trying to work out why I found the boys locker room more exciting than watching the girls volleyball games like my friends did.”

“Wait, you’re gay?” Stiles looks up. “Sorry, stupid question, sorry. I guess I figured maybe... whatever. Not important.”

“And then... there was this girl.... woman. She was... older.

“I’d never... felt the way about girls that my friends did but I didn’t want to be different. More different than I already was. Wolves mate for life, you know, so I figured maybe I hadn’t met the right girl.”

“Wolves _mate for life?_ I’m not saying this is a problem for me but you might have mentioned that before...”

“ _Wolves_ do. _Werewolves_ don’t mate for life any more than humans do. I was full of teenaged angst and I over identified with wolves for a while. Are you going to keep interrupting me?”

“Sorry,”

“She... told me I was special. That she’d been watching me. Waiting for me. That we were... meant to be together.” A tear leaks out of the corner of Derek’s eye and Stiles brushes it away. “And I... believed her. I was a horny teenager at that point so I was turned on by _gardening_ but I thought the... physical stuff was some kind of sign. _Fate_. I told her she was the only girl I’d ever thought about. She seemed... pleased.

“I thought I was in love with her and I was too stupid and inexperienced to know any better, any different. There’s no such thing as magic but I was completely under her spell. I did everything she asked. She told me that my parents wouldn’t understand and would keep us apart so I... kept her a secret. 

“She told me she wanted to know everything about me. So I told her. And then...”

“And then she burned your family alive.” Stiles finishes because he’s heard enough of this story before to put it together. He curls tighter against Derek’s chest and Derek holds him like he never wants to let go. “I’m sorry.”

“I blamed myself for a really long time,” Derek says, wiping his eyes. “You remember I was pretty fucked up when you met me. Thank god for therapy, huh?”

“I liked you even when you were fucked up. But I like that you’re happier now. I might be kind of lucky you didn’t smile a lot when I was a teenager though, I’m not sure I would have survived.”

Derek grins at that and, yeah. Definitely wouldn’t have survived.

“Therapy helped.” Derek continues quietly, “But so did time. And other people. Even Peter. I got drunk on wolfsbane once and confessed everything to him. He’d had that vendetta, you know? To kill everyone involved in the fire. I was convinced he’d kill me - I think I even wanted it. But he.... didn’t. He told me he wanted to raise her from the dead just so he could kill her again.

“But a lot of it was Ms Morell. I’d thought about going to therapy before - I’m not a total idiot - but there was so much of it I wouldn’t be able to tell. I didn’t think it would make sense without the werewolf stuff.

“We couldn’t have done this six years ago, Stiles. Not just because you were too young, but because I was too damaged.

“I thought I loved Kate. I knew I loved Kate. And I lost everything. Maybe I did love her but either way loving her was wrong. I couldn’t... trust anyone after that. I couldn’t trust myself. I couldn’t let myself fall for you so I pushed you away.

“But now...” Derek tilts Stiles’ head back so they can look at each other, “Now I trust myself enough to trust you. To love you. You could still break my heart or I could break yours or you could do something stupid and get yourself killed... but no matter what happens. Even in the worst-case of worst-case scenarios I know that loving you isn’t a wrong thing. And I don’t need you to love me back because I know we only really got together properly...” Derek leans his head to glance at the clock on the bedside table, “forty-eight minutes ago. But... I’m not afraid of the way I feel. It took me a long time to get to that.”

“Oh.”

“ _Oh?_ ”

“Yep. Oh.” Stiles kisses the corner of Derek’s mouth. “You know that I’ve… been with other people. I’ve had dates. Hookups. A couple of relationships.”

Derek grimaces, “I know. And you should know that I’m way too possessive to actually want to discuss that.”

“I know, I know I just... I just mean that I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m not the inexperienced ridiculous hormonal teenager that I was the last time I said this. I’ve had enough feelings to identify this one pretty accurately. I love you. Maybe you’re right and I didn’t love you when I was sixteen. But I love you now.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And you thought this conversation would kill the mood.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the 1,2,3 song.
> 
> This is my first fanfiction ever. So... be nice?


End file.
